i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
