I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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