these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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