Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm always down for nudity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
