Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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