Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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