Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
