I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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