i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
