I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
