Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
