He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
