So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize