My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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