Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize