you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
