I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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