she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
