Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
