I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
