if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
