grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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