ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
