I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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