It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize