end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
