why didn't you poke me back
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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