no, he came in my armpit
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
