why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
