Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We're too hungover to prance.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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