If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
