How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
