the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
