Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
