No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
NoShamevember. You game?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
