Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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