At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
