I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
