i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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