My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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