What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize