Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
