He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
