that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
40s are totally the cure
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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