So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
