god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
