goodnight i made you a song goodbye
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
