When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
