somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
