Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize