So drunk its hurt
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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