smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
