i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
