your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
