my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
