Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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