I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
