Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
