2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
