I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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