You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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