Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
