I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
