He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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