Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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