I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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