I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
